Kicking Up the Notch Part (2) - Resources for Writing Outstanding Compositions

"I've Said it Once, I've Said it Twice!..." So Don't Just SAY It!

Despite the fact that teachers have repeatedly reminded pupils to use a wider range of 'said' words, students often feel uncomfortable about venturing out of their comfort zone and experimenting with more varied vocabulary.

I often told my brighter pupils to experiment. If they don't get it quite right, I'll comment on it and they move on from there. 

Do not feel embarrassed if you use the words inappropriately. Learn from the mistake and use it at the right instance.

Here are some wonderful words which can convey the speaker's emotions so much more aptly than just 'said', 'told' or 'ask'.

Scene One

I declared, " I am never going to play with you again! You are a sore loser and a despicable cheat!" 

"Mommy! Sister is being bossy again! You see, she is bullying me again!" complained my younger sister, Lisa.

"Why can't the two of you agree on anything? I am sure Lisa did not mean to cheat. Maybe she did not understand the rules?" suggested mother.

"Seems more like she knows it like the back of her hand and loves bending it to her favour," I snorted, rolling my eyes in disgust.

"You are the one who is cheating. How would I know how to change the rules?"retorted Lisa.

"Stop it this instance!" exclaimed mother. "You will both go into your rooms and you are not allowed to speak to anyone for one hour! Anyone breaks the rule and you'll go to bed with no dinner! I mean it!" Mother bellowed.

Look up the meaning of the above underlined words and fill in the following blanks with the most suitable word.

1) "How dare you accuse me of breaking the vase! Did you see me break it?" Ahmad __________________________.

2) "No way! They are performing in Singapore? Wow!" ____________________ Ashley in delight.

3) "I will never speak to strangers ever again!"  _________________ Kuraisha.

4) Maggie ______________, " You call that a dress? I wouldn't be surprise if someone thinks you're wearing our table cloth!"

5) The teacher ___________________, " You are not allowed to play with the instruments in the Science laboratory! Some of these chemicals are very toxic and dangerous!"

Scene Two

Still fuming with anger, I stormed into my room. "Nonsense! Who needs a baby sister!" I ranted and raved mindlessly for a good half an hour before my clouded mind started to clear.

From the corner of my eye, I peeped at the photographs lined on top of the dresser - Sparkling eyes, chubby cheeks and beaming smiles. " Maybe she really didn't understand the rules," I conceded finally. Suddenly I felt ashamed of my unreasonable behaviour. Fancy a twelve-year-old picking on a seven-year-old!

When the hour was finally up, I crept stealthily to Lisa's room. The door was ajar and I could barely make out Lisa's voice beyond the door. "Why did Sister say those things? I am not a cheat! Why can't she be nice to me?" Lisa lamented in a low, trembling voice. 

I pushed the door open and approached Lisa with a heavy heart. After taking a  deep breath, I finally blurted, " I'm sorry. It's all my fault." Lisa stared at me, doe-eyed. "Please don't cry!" I pleaded sincerely. When Lisa raced towards me and hugged me like a koala bear, I knew all was forgiven.

Look up the meaning of the above underlined words and fill in the following blanks with the most suitable word.

1) "So much homework! When will this ever end?" Peter ________________ sorely.

2) After a long battle, the general _____________________, " We have run out of supplies. Tell the men to put down their weapons. We have truly lost this time!"

3) "Yucks!" Tommy _____________________ after he ate a mouthful of dad's cooking, before turning crimson after realizing what he had done.

4) After gulping down a full bottle of brandy and to the horror of his family, Mr Lim ____________________________ like a mad man, " This is not my home! You are not my family...!"

5) "Don't hurt me! I'll give you all my money!" Grandpa ________________ to the robber.

Answers to the above activities:
Scene 1:
1) retorted  2) exclaimed  3) declared  4) snorted  5) bellowed

Scene 2:
1) lamented  2) conceded  3) blurted  4) ranted and raved  5) pleaded

Scene Three

As I stepped into the room, I could hear the squeaking of rubber soles on the disinfected linoleum laminate floors. For some reason or other, the people here spoke in whispers. Occasionally, you could hear someone sobbing and another sniveling in a far corner. I turned into the hallway and saw a familiar face. She looked very pale.

"How is he?" I whispered to her. "The doctors said that he is still very weak," she replied quietly. I nodded and stepped towards the bed.

The accident had left Uncle seriously injured. His face was covered with lacerations and bandages, that the once handsome man was now barely recognizable. " Uncle, how...how... are you?" I stammered, choking back my tears. 

He was conscious but the morphine must have settled well into his system and he stared blankly at me with glassy eyes. A tiny tear gathered at the corner of his left eye. My heart felt like I had just leaped from a hovering helicopter and it gagged on my throat, rendering me speechless. Despite his silence, he had acknowledged my presence and hinted that he was aware of my concerns.

Memories of how he had lifted and tossed me around when I was still a child flooded my mind. His roaring laughter and generous hugs were now a fragment of the past. I quickly looked away and attempted to stifle the pressure building up in my eyes.

"Only time can tell how this ordeal is going to end," Jane sighed. "Yes," I agreed, "Only time can tell." 


In Scene Three, I've deliberately used some common 'say' words when writing the above passage. This is to highlight to you that it does not necessarily mean that a good piece of writing must be overflowing with bombastic and inflated vocabulary. As long as the words are appropriately used with other suitable and vivid description, even simple words like 'agreed' can bring across the necessary emotions aptly.

I hope this segment of Resources for Writing Outstanding Composition has proved useful to some of you. 

Do have the courage to experiment and make mistakes along the way. Only when you try, then you'll be able to learn from the process.

Have fun!

** End of Kicking Up the Notch Part (2) - Resources for Writing Outstanding Compositions **

Shoplifting (by LS, P5, Completed)

Question

You were shopping for a Mother’s Day gift.  While you were looking at some merchandise, a sales assistant tapped you on the shoulder and accused you of shoplifting.

Based on the above situation, write a story of at east 150 words.

You must make use of the points below in your story:

What went through your mind

What happened next

How it all ended.

You may re-order the points.  You may also include other relevant points.

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Shoplifting by LS

The air-conditioning blasted its cool air (1) keeping the area in the shopping centre nice and chilled.(2)  I was playing my electronic games and was distracted by a thrilling episode in the game.  I was separated from my parents (3) without knowing.

I felt a tap halfway in the midst (16) of the game.  I paused it, and looked up.  A sales assistant stared at me.  “Why did you steal the PS3?” bellowed the assistant.  I was stunned and speechless (√). After a while, I asked “where is the evidence?”  The sales assistant pointed at an empty box with cold, steely eyes (4).  I trembled in fear and insisted  I did not do it! The commotion attracted many people.  I could even see a mother telling her son not to be a thief like me.  My cheeks were flushed with embarrassment (√).  Just then, I felt a tug. I struggled but the sales assistant was too strong for me. I was pulled to the office. 

When I was inside, a serious-looking manager was staring (5) at me in anger.  He had a hooked nose that resembled an eagle’s beak (√).  The man had a moustache that twirled up at the two sides (√).  He spoke in a harsh raspy voice that scrapped at my nerves (√).  “What did this boy do?”  he demanded.  “He stole a PS3 (6)” the sales assistant lied (7).  He took away my phone and demanded to (7) call my mother.  I told my mother the truth (8), but then the sales assistant snatched the phone and said “Your son was shoplifting” (9)  “What?  Where is he?” I’ll pick him up right now!"(10) 

A few minutes later, my mother arrived.  The assistant told her the whole story (11), but I insisted I did nothing wrong.  Being a caring and intelligent mother, she insisted to view the camera.  Soon, the security guard was called.  The security guard was in his crisp and well-pressed uniform. The bright shiny buttons on his uniform glistened in the sunlight. He pulled out a thumbdrive(√) and inserted it into a computer.  Our eyes narrowed (√) on the screen.  We (12) soon realized that it wasn’t (13) me but a student who was my enemy and wanted to get me into trouble.  The embarrassed sales assistant gave me vouchers to compensate me for my embarrassment (14).

I was glad it was all over, until I saw Daniel.  He was the culprit.  I saw him holding the new PS3.  He was soon caught.  Every cloud has a silver lining for I had finally took revenge on Daniel .   (15)

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My Comments

I am truly heartened to see some improvement in LS' writing! I think that other than attempting to constantly review his work while writing, mom's support is probably the most crucial here! Great attempt!

As mentioned in LS' first composition, he has a good range of vocabulary. The story flows better now but there are still constant errors in punctuation.

One crucial part that needs improvement is that a major point has been omitted from the composition i.e buying Mother's Day present. Depending on how strict the marking is, he will definitely be penalized! So always check back the requirements of the question!

Specific Ares:

(1) Missing comma "...blasted its cool air, keeping..."

(2) This would be an appropriate part of the composition to explain why 'you' were at the shopping centre. e.g. As Mother's Day was just round the corner, I wanted to get a special gift for my mother. While waiting for my parents, who were shopping for groceries, I decided to entertain myself by playing my favourite video game...

(3) Expression seems a bit awkward. Can try to use 'unknowingly'.

(4) Awkward expression... A box does not have eyes... : )

(5) 'stared at me' instead of 'was staring'

(6) and (7) Missing punctation i.e. "He stole a 'PS3'," insisted the sales assistant (the sales assistant was not lying, he/she assumed but not lied)

(8) I explained what happened 

(9) and (10) Missing punctuation and some details (pls see suggested composition below)

(11) Awkward expression (pls see suggested composition below)

(12) Inappropriate choice of pronoun. 'I' knew he was innocent. So should use 'They' and not 'We'.

(13) Avoid contraction in formal writing, unless within dialogue.

(14) Root word with 'embarrass' used twice. Instead can replace expression with other emotion e.g. distress and frustration

(15) A weak conclusion. This is typical of all students as they are so relieved that the composition is almost completed. Try to keep the stamina up till the very last word!

(16) Similar meaning, keep either 'halfway' or 'in the midst'

Suggested Composition

       The air-conditioning blasted its cool air, keeping the area in the shopping centre nice and chilled. As Mother's Day was just round the corner, I wanted to get a special gift for my mother. While waiting for my parents, who were grocery shopping, I decided to entertain myself by playing my favourite video game.  I was distracted by a thrilling episode in the game and unknowingly got separated from them.

        While totally engrossed in the game, I suddenly felt a tug in the midst of the game.  I paused it, and looked up.  A sales assistant stared at me.  “Why did you steal the 'PS3'?” bellowed the assistant.  I was stunned and speechless.  After recovering from the shock, I asked, “Where is the evidence?”  With cold, steely eyes, the sales assistant pointed at an empty video game box behind me.  I trembled in fear and insisted that I did not do it! The commotion attracted many people.  I could even see a mother telling her son not to be a thief like me.  My cheeks were flushed with embarrassment.  Just then, I felt a tug I struggled but the sales assistant was too strong for me.  I was pulled into the office.

        When I was inside, a serious-looking manager stared at me angrily.  He had a hooked nose that resembled an eagle’s beak.  The man had a moustache that twirled up at the two ends.  He spoke in a harsh, raspy voice that scrapped at my nerves.  “What did this boy do?”  he demanded.  “He stole a PS3!” the sales assistant insisted.  He took away my phone and demanded that I called my mother.  I told my mother what had happened, but the sales assistant snatched the phone and declared, “Your son was shoplifting!” I heard mother's voice over the speaker phone, “What?  Where is he? I’ll pick him up right now!”

        A few minutes later, my mother arrived.  The assistant related the whole incident the way she believed it to have happened while I insisted that I did nothing wrong.  Being a caring and intelligent mother, she insisted on viewing the video footage from the security camera.  Soon, the security guard was called in.  The security guard arrived in his crisp and well-pressed uniform. The bright shiny buttons on his uniform glistened in the sunlight. He pulled out a thumbdrive and inserted it into a computer.  Our eyes narrowed on the screen.  Sure enough, they realized that I was not the culprit. Instead it was a student, Daniel, who was my arch enemy. He set me up because he wanted to get me into trouble.  The embarrassed sales assistant gave me vouchers to compensate me for my distress and frustration.

        When the air was cleared, I heaved a great sigh of relief. As for Daniel, his parents were informed and he was severely reprimanded for his evil deed. Although I know it is wrong to feel revengeful, but when I heard that he got what he deserved, I simply could not wipe the smirk off my face!

Stealing (P5, LS, Completed, No Pic)

Stealing by LS

  Today, at Compass Point, we have a Great Singapore Sale! All the items on sale are at 50% or above from the original price came a voice from the radio (1).  Being an avid (√) shopper, I took my wallet and my handbag and dashed towards the shopping mall.

  The shopping mall was packed like sardines (√).  While walking, a banner caught my eye(√).  Curious, I walked towards it.  It (2) was 80% off!  I rushed towards to shop and asked the manager how it worked. 

  (3)Fascinated, I placed my order.  Meanwhile, my son, Ah Ling spotted me wanting to get money for his video game, he crept towards me stealthily.  Once he reached near me, he took away my wallet and rushed off. (4)

  “Here is your X-phone, Mrs. May.  Please give us $1800 if you ant internet connection.  If not, please give me $1700” said, the manager. (5)

  When I reached for my wallet, I realized it was gone!  I then cancelled my order and ran to the police station to make a police report.  Meanwhile, Ah Ling went to the game shop to buy his  new video game “Hellboy 2”.  When he scanned his credit card (6), the retail assistant noticed that it was not his credit card.

  The retail assistant called the police.  Ah Ling heard it and fled, stealing a few other video games (√).  At the police station, I gave my statement and at the same time, the call came (7).  The police officers sprang into action(√). 

  After a few hours, Ah Ling was caught.  “Ah Ling? Why did you steal my wallet?  Why didn’t you listen to my advice to find a job?”  He hung his head in shame (√)  and was led away by the police officers.  As Ah Ling was my brother (8), I pleaded the police officer to give him a lighter statement.  The police officer agreed.

  After the hours of panic.  I decided it was best to go home.  I threw my bag on the floor and went to on the television.  When I saw what was on the news, I was shocked.  I saw police officer and Ah Ling in handcuffs. 

  I hope Ah Ling learned his lesson and I hope he will not do it (9) again in the future.

My Comments

Mmm...Interesting.

L.S seems to have a basic command of the language and has an above-average range of vocabulary. He has no problem developing the content of his story but seems to have issues with organization, paragraphing and punctuation. I agree with his mom that he has mixed up the characters in his story and there are some missing links throughout his composition, causing it to become very confusing.

Here are some specific comments & suggestions pertaining to this piece of writing:

(1) I actually like the way LS started the composition. Unfortunately, the missing punctuation and the manner in which it was expressed shadowed the creative start. There is also no clear setting / scene here so the reader cannot form a picture in our minds.

 (2) LS has a story churning in his mind and is very enthusiastic about developing it. He knows what he wants to write about but (jn his excitement / impatience) he forgets to convey his thoughts clearly to the reader. i.e. What is the shop selling? What is the item on promotion?

(3) Again, the enthusiasm causes him to miss a link explaining what fascinated 'I'. He also forgets to tell the reader a bit more about 'Ah Ling' e.g. age, student or jobless etc. There appears to be missing fullstop i.e "....spotted me. Wanting to..." The missing punctuation totally distorts the content!

(4) Missing punctuation and a need to re-arrange his sentences in order to convey the intended idea.

(5) Missing link from (2) affects our understanding of what is happening here.

(6) Missing information from (3) causes this sentence and its content to become awkward i.e. how old is Ah Ling? Why can he use a credit card? Is he an adult?

(7) Again, too much enthusiasm ( to complete the story?) that he forgets to convey his ideas clearly. He has a wonderful detail here about Ah Ling stealing before trying to escape. This point emphasizes on Ah Ling's delinquency!

(8) Opps! Character mix-up! Actually, this is a common mistake! LS must learn to review his work by reading his story a few times before declaring he has completed it!

(9) A common mistake. A lot of students like to end their composition this way! LS has to learn to be more specific in terms of the lesson learnt by the character and what mistakes he will not commit again.

My General Suggestions for LS (prior to emailing his mom):

Firstly, the best person to assess LS's learning needs is none other than his teacher. My suggestion here is based on what I gather from this piece of work.   I would still strongly encourage you to speak to his teacher.

My honest sense is that the child has a lot of wonderful ideas and he likes to write. He seems to experience an overdrive of ideas and is unable to co-ordinate between letting the ideas flow and then conveying them as intended to the reader. He also needs to constantly review / read back what he writes in order to avoid the mistake he made in this composition.

(after corresponding with LS' mom and understanding some of his needs)

If like LS, your child enjoys writing and is bursting with wonderful ideas but seem to have some problems organizing his story, you could consider:

A) Writing Down the Ideas

-Get your child used to writing down words, short phrases that pop into their minds.(very briefly)

-Some children do not know how to write points and end up writing a story on their question paper and that's a waste of precious examination time!

-It has to be points only. Instead of having all these ideas swimming in his head, the written form can help organize the ideas better

B) Help your child learn how to organize their story

-If you think your child gets too excited about writing his stories, give him a structured approach to his writing task. If your child works well with rules, the following may help:

STEPS TO FOLLOW:

1) Read question.

2) Write down main ideas that pop into mind. (briefly)

3) Write down characters and relationship. (briefly)

4) Start writing about first 2 main ideas. (actual writing)

1st REVIEW: Relook at the question, main ideas from brainstorming and CHECK characters and relationship.

5) Continue with writing about next 2 -3 main ideas. (actual writing)

2nd REVIEW (as above)

6) Continue with writing any remaining main ideas and conclude (actual writing)

Final REVIEW & check for grammar / spelling errors.

Do let me know if it works. I cannot guarantee it but it's definitely worth a try!

Suggested Composition

      "Today, at Compass Point, we are having the Great Singapore Sale! All the items on sale are at a discount of fifty percent or more!"  an advertisement blared loudly over the radio.  Being an avid shopper, I took my wallet and my handbag and dashed towards the shopping mall.

        The shopping mall was packed like sardines.  While walking, a banner caught my eye.  Curious, I walked towards it. A mobile phone shop was selling everything at an eighty percent discount! I rushed towards the shop and asked the manager for details of the promotion. 

Fascinated that the discount was genuine, I quickly chose my dream phone and approached the cashier to make payment.  Meanwhile, my delinquent son, Ah Ling, spotted me inside the shop. Ah Ling was the black sheep of the family. A school drop-out, he refused to retake his examinations and spent his time loitering around shopping malls and getting himself into trouble. Needing money for a video game he could not afford, he crept towards me stealthily. Once he was close enough, he snitched my wallet effortlessly from my handbag and sped off just as discreetly.

        Back at the shop, I was deciding which mobile plan to sign up for. “Here is your X-phone, Mrs. May.  Please give us $1800 if you want internet connection.  If not, your plan will be $1700,” explained the manager. After making up my mind, I reached for my wallet and realized that it was gone!  I then cancelled my order and ran to the police station to make a police report.  Meanwhile, Ah Ling went to the game shop to buy his new video game 'Hellboy 2'. When the retail assistant scanned the credit card, she noticed that it did not belong to Ah Ling. She called the police immediately.  Ah Ling overheard the call and fled after stealing a few other video games.  At the police station, while giving my statement, the police received the call from the game shop.  The police officers sprang straight into action. 

        After a few hours, Ah Ling was caught and brought to the police station.  “Ah Ling? Why did you steal my wallet?  Why didn’t you listen to my advice and find a job?” Ah Ling hung his head in shame and was led away by the police officers.  As Ah Ling was my son, I pleaded the police officer to ask the judge for a lighter sentence.  The police officer agreed to help him.

        After the hours of stress, panic and grief.  I decided it was best for me to go home.  I threw my bag on the floor and switched on the television.  When I saw what was on the news, I was shocked.  I saw the police officers handcuffing Ah Ling at the mall. He looked so ashamed and confused. Although I was deeply saddened by the incident, I hope Ah Ling will learn his lesson and turn over a new leaf.  

Video Resources: Robbery(1)

(Part 2 has been added)

Watching television programs can also come in handy for building content in composition writing. However, it again comes down to being selective. 

'Crime Watch' is one of best programs I'd recommend, as the show re-enacts the whole process from the crime / accident taking place to the police investigation, unfolding the story line like a dream-come-true for students struggling for realistic content!

Remember my post about the basics of writing a composition? (Conjure up) Think of the scenes in which your story unfolds, then brainstorm for appropriate words / phrases to use. A useful video can help a student build up the scenes. Exposure to these selected videos and with sufficient practice, a struggling writer, who lacks content, will have a lot more to write about!

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Watch the following video till 2:33 and take note of the questions below. 
You can watch the video and review the questions as frequent as necessary, as the repetition will help the content take root in your memory!

(Source:Crime Watch 03/07 - Robbery cases solved within 24 hours", SPFCommunityOutreach, Youtube)

Questions to take note of:
1) How did the robbers try to avoid being recognized by the old woman?
2) Why was the old woman trembling uncontrollably?
3) What did the robbers do after they covered the old woman's face?
4) When the policeman / detective / investigator asked the old woman if she saw the faces of the robbers, why do you think she paused before answering them? What is the purpose of the 'flashback' ?
5) What did the policemen do immediately after they spoke to the old woman?
6) Who saw the robbers (couple) loitering around the void deck?
7) Were the police successful in catching the robber the first time they visited their flat? Why?
8) What did the police do after that?


Can you watch the video beyond 2:33? Sure! I just feel that the latter part may seem confusing to a younger audience i.e. the couple rented the flat, the owner (man) is not one of the robbers etc. Unless an adult / parent is around to explain what is going on, else, the content till 2:33 is really quite sufficient!

Now, Let's give the old woman in the video a name - Mdm Lim

Here are some likely answers to the above questions:

1) The robbers threw a cloth over Mdm Lim's face so that she would not recognize them and describe them to the police.

2) Mdm Lim was so frightened that she began shaking uncontrollably.

3) When the robbers were certain that Mdm Lim was not able to see anything, they started to rummage through her things and even pried open a locked drawer. The robbers got away with some jewelry and other valuables worth more than xxx dollars.

4) At first, Mdm Lim was overwhelmed with fear and she could not recall the robbers' faces. After calming down, she closed her eyes and tried to remember how the whole incident happened. Then, she saw their faces! When the male robber was about to cover her face with the towel, she caught a glimpse of their appearance! The investigators quickly took down notes while Mdm Lim described as much as she could remember.

5) Using the information from Mdm Lim's statement, the investigators began talking to passers-by and the residents living around Mdm Lim's flat.

6) Luck was on their side when a passerby recalled seeing a couple who fitted the police's description.

7) The passerby directed them to a nearby flat. When the police visited the flat, no one answered the door.

8) The investigators decided to conduct a stakeout around the flat and waited for the owner to return.

There is so much content here to liven up any basic composition about robberies! 

Now, let's use the content for a proper composition!

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Here is a sample question for continuous writing:

Alex was home alone as his parents were still at work. After finishing his homework, he decided to take a nap in his bedroom. Just as he was about to fall asleep, he heard a noise coming from the living room. When he peeped outside, he was astonished to see two strangers opening the front door and creeping quietly into his home...

Based on the above situation, write a composition of at least 150 words using the following points:

-Who were these strangers

-What happened after they entered Alex's house

-What happened in the end

You may reorder the points and / or include your own.

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          "Finally done! That was a lot of homework!" sighed Alex. He was already feeling exhausted and really wanted to take a nap. However, before jumping into bed, Alex called his mother to report to her about his day's work. "You sure? Alright then, you can take your nap. When your father and I get home from work, we'll buy you your favourite chicken rice for dinner! Make sure that you've locked the doors properly!" reminded his mother.

          Right after he hung up the phone, Alex fell right into bed. He was simply too tired to check the front door. His eyelids felt like they weighed a thousand tonnes and it only took a few minutes before he began drifting into dreamland. Suddenly, he heard a loud 'crack'! Alex's eyes shot wide open! "What is that sound?" he asked himself. Before he could even jump out of bed, he heard the front door creak open. Alex quickly peeped out of his bedroom and he was astonished to see two stranger in his living room!

          "Robbers! What am I going to do? I must have forgotten to lock the door!"he thought. Suddenly, his bedroom door swung open and Alex came face to face with the perpetrators. Although the men were shocked to see him, they reacted quickly and threw an old rag over his face. One of the men tied him up and told him to be quiet, while the other man rummaged through his things. He also heard them prying open the locked drawers in his parents' room. By the time his parents got home hours later, Alex was still shaking uncontrollably on his bedroom floor.

          Alex's parents immediately made a police report. When the police asked Alex to describe the robbers, he was so overwhelmed with fear that he could not remember anything. After he managed to calm down, he closed his eyes and gradually recalled the whole incident. That was when the robbers' faces flashed into his mind. With the description provided, the police began interviewing passers-by and residents living nearby. Luck was on their side as someone remembered seeing the two men fleeing the scene. After establishing their identity, the police conducted a stakeout outside their flat and caught the suspects when they were on their way home.

          Once bitten, twice shy. Alex promised always to be cautious in the future. He never wanted to experience another robbery ever again.

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As you can see, there are quite a number of ideas from the video used in this composition. The content from the video has made the storyline a lot more realistic and also more interesting to read.

You might want to get your child to attempt the above question and help them inject some of the ideas learnt from the video. 

Hope this resource is useful to you and your child!

**This concludes 'Video Resources: Robbery(1)'**

Selected Reading Material 1: A Robbery(1)

What is 'Selected Reading Material'?

Mentioned in my earlier post 'Tips for Struggling Writers', students who have problems expanding content are often told to "read more widely".

'Selected Reading Material' are carefully selected resources to help struggling readers widen their knowledge in areas often useful in composition writing. i.e. what happens during a robbery, accidents, kidnap etc.

After reading and using the resources, students will have more relevant ideas to use in their composition assignments & examination!

Read the following passage and take note of the underlined content.

DO NOT skip reading as it is important to see how the underlined content is used in the news article.

A Robbery

When jobless Muhammad Noh Mohammad Jais, 26, attacked a pregnant Mrs Jane Tan, in a lift, she stood her ground and refused to give in.

He tried to snatch her bag, containing $3,000, but fled empty-handed.

Two days later on Nov 14, he struck again and snatched a handbag with items amounting to $515 from Ms May Lee .

The 29-year-old victim was also pregnant and the incident also occurred in a lift.

He admitted to the theft yesterday in a district court and was sentenced to two years in jail and four strokes of the cane.

For the attempted robbery, he was jailed for four years and ordered to be caned 12 times.

In total, he will serve six years behind bars and be caned 16 times.

The man, who was diagnosed as having moderate mental illness, committed the first offence in Tampines and the second in Simei between 4pm and 5pm.

Both women are believed to be housewives.

Police responding to Ms Lee’s call, found her purple handbag and personal documents strewn at a staircase landing together with a $2 note.

She was carrying about $15 in her handbag.

Through surveillance camera footage from the lift, the police established the thief’s identity and Muhammad Noh, who is single, was arrested an hour later in Tampines Central. 

He led police to a rubbish bin where Ms Lee’s iPhone, valued at $500, was found.

The prosecutor said that Muhammad Noh had picked on very vulnerable victims and should be punished severely.

In 2010, he was jailed for three years and caned 12 times for robbing a pregnant woman.

For stealing from Ms Lee , he could have been jailed between a year and seven years and was liable for caning.

The penalty for attempted robbery is a jail term of between two and seven years and caning with not less than six strokes.

Modified from Robber Hit and Choke Mum-to-be', The Straits Times, 9 Jan 2013

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Using the above underlined content, fill in the missing details in the composition below:

         The sky was a clear azure blue. Mrs Tan had just returned home from her usual shopping trip from the market. She waited patiently at the lift lobby for the lift to arrive. As she was thinking about what to prepare for dinner that evening, she did not notice a man peeping at her from behind a nearby pillar.

          When the lift arrived, Mrs Tan stepped in quickly. Suddenly, the man rushed in and ________________________________________. Mrs Tan was a brave and stubborn woman. ________________________________________. The robber took out a knife and threatened," Give me your bag now!" Mrs Tan was so frightened that she screamed at the top of her voice. The alarmed robber decided to give up and so he _________________________________. 

          Mrs Tan was relieved that she was unhurt. She did not know if she should call the police. When she got back home, she called her neighbour, Mdm Yati and told her what had happened. "You too? I was also robbed last week in the lift! Maybe we should go to the police together?" The women could not believe that the robber ________________________________ so soon after robbing Mdm Yati. They decided to lodge a police report immediately.

          At the police station, Mrs Tan and Mdm Yati were shocked to learn that they were not the first to report about the lift robbery. The police recorded their statement and assured the women that they were already taking action. Through ________________________________________________. The police ambushed outside the robber's flat and he was ______________________________ when he was about to enter his home. The robber ____________________________ where all the stolen goods were stashed. Mdm Yati was informed by the police that they had _________________________________________________________________ and would be returning them to her once the items were recorded as evidence.

          

         The following day, the series of robberies was reported in the news. The robber ______________________________________________ and was ________________________________. Mrs Tan and Mdm Yati were so relieved that the robber was caught. They also agreed to be more attentive and always to be on the look-out for suspicious characters in the future.

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Are you able to use the underlined content to build on the composition? 

Remember that the underlined content can be used in other composition related to robbery (but not stealing in school) and need not be occurring in a lift. E.g. snatch thief, robbery at the car park, toilet, staircase landing, void deck, outside the school etc

If you would like the answers to the above passage, do not hesitate to contact me. 

Since someone has requested for the answers, I think I should just post it here!

I'd like to emphasize that this is not a comprehension cloze exercise. The activity attempts to draw the student into using the content learnt from the selected reading material. : )

Answers:

1) Suddenly, the man rushed in and (tried to snatch her bag)

2) Mrs Tan was a brave and stubborn woman. (She stood her ground and refused to give in.)

3) The alarmed robber decided to give up and so he (fled empty handed).

4) The women could not believe that the robber (struck again ) so soon after robbing Mdm Yati.

5) Through (surveillance camera footage from the lift, the police established the thief’s identity).

6) The police ambushed outside the robber's flat and he was (arrested an hour later) when he was about to enter his home.

7) The robber (led police to a rubbish bin) where all the stolen goods were stashed. Mdm Yati was informed by the police that they had( found her purple handbag and personal documents)  and would be returning them to her once the items were recorded as evidence.

8) The robber (admitted to the theft yesterday in a district court) and was (sentenced to two years in jail and four strokes of the cane).

Did you get your answers right?

Kicking Up the Notch Part (I) - Resources for Writing Outstanding Compositions

(updated with Example 3)
More than One way to Organize and Present your Composition

(A Resource for Continuous Writing - Upper Primary 2013-2014)

Most events in a composition are presented in a chronological manner i.e. The events are described as one happening after the other.

This approach is fine and is the basic presentation of a typical composition.

In order to illustrate the effects of the different forms of Organization & Presentation, I'd like to provide examples through a common question (continuous writing):

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Question

When the pupils reached the field, Alex suddenly realized that he had forgotten his spectacles. After asking permission from his teacher, he ran back to the classroom. To his surprise, he saw someone digging into his schoolbag...

Based on the above situation, write a composition of at least 150 words using the following points. 

-Who was the person in the classroom

-Why was he digging into Alex's schoolbag

-What did Alex do next

-What happened in the end

You may reorder the points and / or include your own.

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Example 1: Typical Presentation

          After days of stormy weather, the boys waited excitedly for their PE teacher, Mr Lim, to arrive for an hour of games and play at the field. When he finally stepped into the classroom, the class broke out into a cacophony of cheers, shouts and applause. Soon, the boys were at the field ready for some action.

          "Oh no!" shouted Alex in dismay. "I've left my glasses in the classroom! Mr Lim, can I please go back and get it? I can't see anything!"

          Once his teacher nodded, Alex zoomed back to class at lightning speed. As he was approaching his classroom, Alex noticed some movement beyond the classroom windows. He dismissed it at first, thinking that he definitely needed his spectacles. However, when he was just about to step into the room, he heard a creak and knew that that movement was not a fragment of his imagination. He peeked in stealthily and was surprised to see his classmate, Billy, digging into his bag!

          "Hey! What are you doing!" bellowed Alex. The shout caught Billy totally by surprise and while turning towards Alex, knocked his hand onto the back of Alex's chair. The reason for Billy's intrusion into Alex's bag was loosened from his grip and flung a short distance away. Alex could not believe his eyes when he saw his handphone 'took flight' and 'crash-landed' onto the concrete floor. He could feel his blood reaching boiling point as he gave chase when the culprit took to his heels almost immediately.

          Unfortunately for Billy, Alex was the school's champion sprinter. In no time, Alex caught up with Billy and pinned him to the ground. Billy struggled defiantly and tried to punch Alex in the face. Alex was an agile boy and easily dodged the blow. Unfortunately, while dodging the punch, Alex turned his face right into a fire extinguisher next to him. The metal grazed his forehead and blood started oozing from the wound.

          By then, the commotion had attracted both students and teachers. The teachers tore the boys apart and reprimanded them severely before giving Alex a chance to explain. When the truth of what happened came into light, Billy hung his head while he was led into the principal's office and Alex's wound was treated at the sick bay.

          Further investigations revealed that Billy had been stealing his schoolmates' handphones when there was no one in the classrooms. He then sold the phones to different second-hand phone dealers and used the money to buy treats for himself and his siblings. Billy was handed to the Police. As he was only a child, he was ordered by the judge to complete two hundred hours of community service.

          Alex's parents were furious of his impulsive behaviour and warned him never to behave in a manner which might jeopardize the safety of anyone. The scar on his forehead left him an indelible reminder to always think twice before acting.

Example 2: Recollection

-This is one of the most common ways to present your composition in a more creative manner. Usually the story begins with the main character recalling an incident and then the story moves on in a similar manner as in a typical organization.

          When Alex saw his reflection in the mirror, the scar on his forehead, reminded him how impulsive he was the day he had a fight with his classmate, Billy. It also serves as an indelible reminder that violence is not the way to resolve a problem. He was fortunate that Billy was not hurt, else how was he able to bear the consequences?

          "Oh no!" shouted Alex in dismay. "I've left my glasses in the classroom! Mr Lim, can I please go back and get it? I can't see anything!" The class had just arrived at the field for their PE lessons when Alex realized how careless he had been. Once his teacher nodded, Alex zoomed back to class at lightning speed.

          As he was approaching his classroom, Alex noticed some movement beyond the classroom windows. He dismissed it at first, thinking that he definitely needed his spectacles. However, when he was just about to step into the room, he heard a creak and knew that that movement was not a fragment of his imagination. He peeked in stealthily and was surprised to see his classmate, Billy, digging into his bag!

          "Hey! What are you doing!" bellowed Alex. The shout caught Billy totally by surprise and while turning towards Alex, knocked his hand onto the back of Alex's chair. The reason for Billy's intrusion into Alex's bag was loosened from his grip and flung a short distance away. Alex could not believe his eyes when he saw his handphone 'took flight' and 'crash-landed' onto the concrete floor. He could feel his blood reaching boiling point as he gave chase when the culprit took to his heels almost immediately.

          Unfortunately for Billy, Alex was the school's champion sprinter. In no time, Alex caught up with Billy and pinned him to the ground. Billy struggled defiantly and tried to punch Alex in the face. Alex was an agile boy and easily dodged the blow. Unfortunately, while dodging the punch, Alex turned his face right into a fire extinguisher next to him. The metal grazed his forehead and blood started oozing from the wound.

          By then, the commotion had attracted both students and teachers. The teachers tore the boys apart and reprimanded them severely before giving Alex a chance to explain. When the truth of what happened came into light, Billy hung his head while he was led into the principal's office and Alex's wound was treated at the sick bay.

          Further investigations revealed that Billy had been stealing his schoolmates' handphones when there was no one in the classrooms. He then sold the phones to different second-hand phone dealers and used the money to buy treats for himself and his siblings. Billy was handed to the Police and because he was only a child, was ordered by the judge to complete two hundred hours of community service.

          Alex nodded at his reflection and declared, "No more violence!"

Example 3: Flashback

-This method of presentation if different from Recollection as the character in the story experiences flashbacks of what had happened throughout the story. This is one of the most challenging form of presentation, requiring good organization skills and a calm disposition to map out the story while still conjuring up its content.

I've read compositions presented this way during the PSLE marking exercises. So, it's not impossible. I believe it boils down to practice and keeping calm.

          Alex only remembered chasing Billy furiously. When he saw his handphone flung out of Billy's hand and crashing onto the classroom floor, he felt his blood boil and began chasing Billy like a raging bull charging at the matador. In no time, Alex caught up with Billy and pinned him to the ground. Billy struggled defiantly and tried to punch Alex in the face. Alex was an agile boy and easily dodged the blow. Unfortunately, while dodging the punch, Alex turned his face right into a fire extinguisher next to him. The metal grazed his forehead and blood started oozing from the wound.

          Now,  Alex was sitting at the sick bay and his teachers were treating the ugly graze from the fight which occurred only moments ago. He did not mean to pick a fight. Alex was on his way back to class during PE lessons to retrieve his spectacles. He realized he had left it there only when the class had reached the field. With his teacher's permission, he tore down the corridor so that he could return promptly to join his friends.

          However, when he was just about to step into the room, he heard a creak He peeked in stealthily and was surprised to see his classmate, Billy, digging into his bag! "Hey! What are you doing!" bellowed Alex. The shout caught Billy totally by surprise and while turning towards Alex, knocked his hand onto the back of Alex's chair. Billy was holding something in his hand and the knock had loosened his grip and it flung a short distance away. Alex could not believe his eyes when he saw his handphone 'take flight' and 'crash-landed' onto the concrete floor. He could feel his blood reaching boiling point as he began to give chase while Billy had taken to his heels almost immediately.

          "Ouch! That hurts!" Alex jolted back to reality as his teacher secured a dressing over his would. "Well, then this should be a good reminder that you should never be so impulsive again!" lectured his teacher. Alex nodded quietly.

          After further investigations, it appeared that Billy had been stealing his schoolmates' handphones when there was no one in the classrooms. He then sold the phones to different second-hand phone dealers and used the money to buy treats for himself and his siblings. Billy was handed to the Police and because he was only a child, was ordered by the judge to complete two hundred hours of community service.

          The graze on Alex's forehead eventually turned into a scar, which became an indelible reminder of how he should always think before acting so impulsively ever again.

Impressive? I think so too. Why don't why let you child attempt the question and email it to me for review & comments? I love to read children's work! They are often more creative and imaginative than adults!

If not, I still hope this proves to be helpful. 

**This concludes 'More than One way to Organize and Present your Composition'**