Selected Reading Material: Accidents - A Fire (Advanced)

I remember back when I was still teaching, my pupils always frowned when they had to write a composition about a fire. There was very little varied vocabulary in which they could use.

Many used words like 'big fire' (translated from Mandarin), 'fierce', 'spread wildly', 'uncontrollable'.

My latest addition to the Selected Reading Material is a short story about a man risking his life to guard his home from a bush fire. It was inspired by a beautifully written article I had read in the Reader's Digest many years ago. 

This short story is targeted at advanced and aspiring writers. 

I am still researching on this area and hopefully I can put up another resource related to 'fire' soon. 

You can find the article here.

Primary 1 Composition Received!

Thank you Alan for submitting the first composition from a Primary 1 pupil since the beginning of this project ' I Can Write Too!'.

You have great potential!

Do not be afraid to experiment with new words and phrases!
No problem if you do not use them correctly. Try and you'll learn along the way!

Keep writing!

Selected Reading Materials - Menu Cannot Display on Mobile Devices

I've just realised that the Menu for Selected Reading Material cannot be displayed properly on Mobile Devices. What you see is only the topic 'Crime' but cannot choose to view the other topics and themes.

So I've just added an option to view a simplified menu for Mobile Devices.

You can see the added option here.

Selected Reading Material: Crime - Animal Abuse

Recently there has been a spate of cases on animal abuse - from kittens getting dismembered to dogs being neglected and left to the mercy of the elements at the balcony.

I am heartened to know that MOE is including 'Animal Welfare' in the new Character & Citizenship Education (CCE) curriculum starting next year, with the primary and secondary students. Hopefully, these changes to the education curriculum can help raise awareness in the next generation, to become respectable and responsible citizens and to live lives of kindness and compassion to humans and animals alike.

The latest addition to my website includes a news article on animal abuse and two related activities.

Check them out here.

Primary 4 (New Format) Composition Received

Thank you AS for your delightful composition!

I've managed to publish it on my website.

http://icanwritetoo-sg.weebly.com/our-collection-of-compositions.html

I hope the composition will display clearly. 

The arrow on the top left-hand corner collapses the side column if you do not want it.

Why can't I move the compositions from the blog to the website? 

I'll try. But there is a problem. 

The blog uses html while I use Google Drive for the website. If I transfer the compositions, I'll need to cut paste without formatting, then re-format my strikethroughs, font colour etc. It will be a massive exercise. 

I think I can spend my time more wisely by looking up relevant resources for everyone.

Agree? : )

Announcing the 'I Can Write Too!' Website!

I am so excited! After weeks and weeks of sourcing and testing and planning and migrating, I am finally proud to announce the official launch of my own website:

I Can Write Too! @ Weebly.com

As compared to the blog, the website is really so much easier to navigate. 
I can organise my work more effectively.

You can find everything here, there, plus much more! 
Yes, it is still FREE. NO HIDDEN LINKS.

Most of the pages in the website are functioning and I will continue to nurture its growth! 

Let me know if you like it as much as I do! Let's share & learn together!

Latest News!

Hello Everyone,

I've been very busy lately because I'm in the process of migrating the content of my blog to a proper website. I love this blog but there are a lot limitations e.g. I have problems organising the content in a more presentable manner. I feel that navigating through the blog is also a problem as new visitors may not know where to start looking. (since a blog presents information in chronological order)

So do be patient. I'm almost done. Didn't realize there is already so much resources here! : ) 

Is is still free? Of course!
Will I still be focusing on Composition writing? Definitely! And, more!

So hold your horses and check back soon!

Accident at the Food Court (by LS, P5, 1st Draft)

Question
You were at a food court buying a bowl of noodles.  While you were looking for a seat, you accidentally knocked into an old man.  The bowl of noodles spilled onto him.  Based on the above situation, write a story of at least 150 words.

You must make use of points below in your story:-

• What happened to the old man?
• What you did next?
• What happened in the event?

You may reorder the points.  You may also include other relevant points.

###########################

Accident at the Food Court by LS

Looking at the spilled noodles and hearing the ranting of the old man, I remembered how the incident began.

Running to the food court, I was very anxious to buy myself a bowl of noodles as I wanted to get home earlier.  After running for a short distance, I reached my destination.  I weaved through the crowds and bought myself a bowl of noodles.

After collecting my change, I hurriedly ran towards the exit of the food court.  When suddenly "ping" the bowl of noodles spilled all over an old man's head.  He started scolding "Look where you're going!  Do your eyes grow at the back of your head?  "Sorry" I replied with embarrassment.  I quickly helped him up and a kind passerby helped him wash up.  


When I reached home, I realized I was already two hours late.  I explained to my mum and relayed the whole incident to her.  She reprimanded 'me and advised me to be more careful in future.  I told her that I had learnt my lesson and promised to be extra careful.

###########################

Comments

Firstly, thank you LS for submitting your composition!

Based on the requirements of the question, at first glance, I've spotted a few areas that need immediate attention. 

However, the most pressing one is the part underlined in red. 

The question states that the writer was looking for a seat when he had an accident and spilled the noodles on the old man. However, your composition suggests that the writer was leaving. So, it is unclear if

-the writer had a takeaway with him and the cover of the container came loose when he knocked into the old man, resulting in the spill

or

-the writer had a bowl of noodles and was leaving the food court when the incident occurred.

I like the conversation exchanged between the writer and the old man. It clearly expresses the old man's annoyance and how angry he was. Unfortunately, you need to bring the intensity of the conflict to a higher level for the reader to fully feel this displeasure.

Instead of commenting in terms of how you can elaborate, I thought I'd approach giving feedback differently this time. Below is a story web. I've constructed it based on the above question and hope that it can create some ideas for you to build up the story line.  (Click on it for a larger image)

After looking at the web, I would like you to try to:

1) Include the ideas from 'Senses' & 'Activity' branching out from 'Food Court' first.  

2) Then choose from 'Outcome 1' or 'Outcome 2' and try to develop a more intense conflict from there. (I'd love to read about a fight... :)  )

3) Finally, use the 'Conclusion' to end the composition.

Let's see if the story web can help you develop your story first.

Give it a try? You can do it!

Grammar MCQ Supplement 1 (Upper Primary)

This is a link to a FREE online grammar MCQ quiz.

I've posted this as a request from a parent who asked if I can create some resources on grammar drills for upper primary pupils. This quiz is suitable for P5, P6 and high-ability P4.

Setting questions is easy but providing answers with explanation can be quite tedious. So if the response it good, I can seriously consider adding this resource.

After you complete the quiz, click to 'Show correct answers'. At the left side of each question, you will see a '?' if you got that question wrong. When you click the '?', you can access the explanation for the question.

Do give it a try!

The link (which has NO ADS, NO GIMMICKS, you get the idea...) is:

Grammar Pre-Exam MCQ Drill 1

Kicking Up the Notch Part (3) - Resources for Writing Outstanding Compositions - Drowning / Rescued from Drowning

(This post is an extension of 'Selected Reading Material 4: Drowning / Rescued from Drowning')

Here is a suggestion on a more advanced approach to writing to composition based on the scenario given in the above post on 'Drowning':

Suggestion (2) Flashback

    Lisa's eyes began to blur as darkness enveloped her. Her head felt like it weighed a thousand kilograms. She could not breathe as water began to gush into her nostrils and choked the life out of her. Just then, she felt a strong tug. Someone was shouting at her but she could not decipher what the voice was trying to tell her. Then, she felt herself being lifted from the water and laid onto a soft surface. Lisa was abruptly conscious that she was no longer engulfed in darkness as the light now pierced her eyes and tingled her senses. She cackled and coughed before she instinctively tried to gasp for air. At first, the water clogged her airways and she felt a burning sensation in her chest. Still no air. In desperation, she coughed as hard as she could. The force of the cough immediately cleared her airways and this time, she was successful. Fresh moist air raced into her system, rejuvenating the blood cells throughout her body. As the pressure in her head lightened, her vision began to return to her...

    "Lisa! Lisa! Are you alright?" screamed Leo, Lisa's brother. Lisa was too weak to reply him. She barely nodded her head before she drifted into a deep sleep. Having survived a near-drowning, Lisa was exhausted. She just wanted to sleep for a while...

    The sun was like a fire ball in the clear blue sky. Lisa and Leo had begged their mother to bring them swimming. The weather was overwhelmingly hot and Mrs Jones needed very little persuasion to make the trip down the nearby swimming complex.

    When they arrived at the pool, it was very crowded. Mrs Jones reminded the children to be extra vigilant while in the water. As Lisa was not a good swimmer, she even made Lisa promise that she would always stay on the float. While the children splashed about in the pool, Mrs Jones laid down on a beach chair and soon fell asleep.
  
    Leo and Lisa had a great time splashing water at each other. Just when they were deciding what to do next, they heard a shout, "Leo! We are here! Come and join us!" Leo's friends were also at the pool. Wanting badly to join them, Leo made a callous and irresponsible decision. "Stay on your float! I'll be back soon!" he instructed Lisa before swimming towards them. Lisa panicked. She did not want to be left behind. She tried to paddle along but Leo had already disappeared into the crowd. In her haste to catch up with him, Lisa lost her balance and slipped into the water!

    Lisa splashed her arms frantically about as she desperately tried to keep her head above the water. Unfortunately, everyone around her was oblivious to what was happening. They thought she was just fooling around so they continued playing and chatting among themselves. Lisa felt the muscles in body bunching up. She was exhausted. Her arms were aching and she could no longer breathe. She was losing consciousness when the lifeguard reached her and dumped her lifeless body on his float.


    When Lisa finally came round, she was in the hospital. Mrs Jones wept tears of joy and relief when Lisa finally opened her eyes and smiled at her. "I'll never leave you out of my sight, ever!" declared Mrs Jones. Leo hung his head low in shame as he approached his sister's side. "I'm so sorry Lisa. Really. Please forgive me. I'll never be irresponsible again," promised Leo. Overcome with fatigue, Lisa nodded her head again and managed a smile before slipping back into a deep sleep.


I hope you can try out this more advanced approach to writing. It is really more refreshing than the typical and traditional form of organising a composition. However, you'll need lots of practice before actually adopting it during an examination!

Free Online Grammar and Spelling Checker!

Wow! I accidentally stumbled upon this! 
You might want to give it a try.

Really good work! (started by 2 teachers in Canada)
I'd probably check my blog entries a bit at a time later...

Do read their Terms & Conditions prior to using the free service.

Virtual Writing Tutor

I am not affiliated to this web site and will not receive any benefits from them if you visit or use their application!

Selected Reading Material 4: Drowning / Rescued from Drowning

What is 'Selected Reading Material'?

'Selected Reading Material' are carefully selected resources to help struggling readers widen their knowledge in areas often useful in composition writing. i.e. what happens during a robbery, accidents, kidnap etc.

After reading and using the resources, students will have more relevant ideas to use in their composition assignments & examination!



Read the following passage and take note of the underlined content.

DO NOT skip reading as it is important to see how the underlined content is used in this article. (How they are used in context) 

The report "Father drowns while trying to save son from strong current" (The Straits Times, Dec 11) shows the dangers of the sea and of attempting to rescue a person in the water. The Singapore Life Saving Society would like to highlight the dangers of trying to rescue someone in water.

Both trained rescuers and lay persons have been known to become victims in the course of attempting to rescue others. This may be due to a lack of the necessary skills, fitness or equipment. It may also be due to a misjudgment of the conditions present. Therefore, it is always better to prevent the occurrence of a drowning situation than to attempt a rescue.

However, in the unfortunate case where there is a need to rescue someone, the paramount consideration should always be the lifesaver's own safety and rescues that can be performed without entering the water are safer. For example, a reach (with a pole) or throw (with a rope) rescue should always be considered first. Only when such techniques are not likely to work should the rescuer consider entering the water. Even then, he should enter the water as far as possible with rescue aids like life buoys or swim floats. These may then be passed to the victim to keep him buoyant and reduce the need to make contact. The reason for avoiding contact is that a person in difficulties in the water is likely to grab at anything that floats and that includes the rescuer. 

We encourage people to take up a lifesaving course to equip themselves with the knowledge and skills necessary for safer rescue attempts so that they are prepared should the need arise.

Modified from Letter from Honorary Secretary-General, Richard Tan Ming Kirk, 14 December 2006, http://www.slss.org.sg/Local%20Press%20Media.htm



Part One

Are you familiar with the meaning of the words in red? Look up the meaning of the words in the dictionary. Then, try out this Online Activity. (Direct link to an online quiz, with no ad links, as usual!) The activity will open in a new window. After completing it, you just need to close it. You do not need to 'Return to Main Menu'. The scores will not be recorded. 

Enjoy and Learn!

Part Two

After studying the above article and viewing the 2 related videos (see links at the end of the post), we can summarise what we have learnt the following content useful for writing compositions related to drowning and water rescue:

1)The people around the struggling swimmers did not know that someone was drowning. They were oblivious to what was going on.

2) Both of the children's heads were bobbing up and down the water. They were trying desperately to gasp for air.

3) Although both the boy and the girl were splashing about the water frantically, to the other swimmers, they looked like they were 'playing' or fooling around.


4) Both the boy and the girl could not scream or wave their hands for help.

5) Swimmers can drown too.

6) Experienced swimmers  and trained rescuers can also be victims of drowning because they do not have adequate skills are misjudged the condition around them (e.g. sharp rocks).

7) A rescuer should try to perform the rescue without entering the water first e.g. throw a buoy or reach out a stick. 

8) If a rescuer must get into the water, he should bring a floating device with him e.g. a life buoy (remember the video of the pool rescue?)

9) A drowning person is likely to grab anything or anyone near him. Sometimes this can endanger the live of the rescuer. 

Looks like the above 9 key points can already form a very interesting composition about drowning and rescue! Let's apply what we have learnt in an sample question in Part Three.

Part Three

Let's use the video of the pool rescue from "Video Resources (3): Drowning / Rescued from Drowning 1". The still at 0:29 can be used as a question for a picture composition.

Write a composition of at least 150 words based on the above situation. 

You must use the following points in your story:

• where are the children
• why did the girl fall into the water
• what happened to the girl in the end

You may reorder the points and add any other relevant points.

#######################

Here is a possible composition based on the picture using content from the video resources and selected reading resources.



Examples:

Suggestion (1): Typical Presentation

The sun was like a fire ball in the clear blue sky. Lisa and Leo begged their mother to bring them swimming. Mrs Jones decided to bring the children to the swimming pool near their home.

When they arrived at the pool, it was very crowded. Mrs Jones reminded the children to be extra careful in the water. As Lisa was not a good swimmer, she even made Lisa promise that she would always stay on the float. While the children splashed about in the pool, Mrs Jones laid down on a beach chair and soon fell asleep.  

Leo and Lisa had a great time splashing water at each other. Just when they were deciding what to do next, they heard a shout, "Leo! We are here! Come and join us!" Leo's friends were also at the pool. He wanted to join them so he began swimming towards them. Lisa did not want to be left behind. She tried to paddle along but Leo had already disappeared into the crowd. Suddenly, Lisa lost her balance and slipped into the water!

    Lisa splashed her arms frantically about the water as she desperately tried to gasp for air. Unfortunately, everyone in the pool did not notice that Lisa was in trouble. They continued playing among themselves. Lisa began to feel exhausted. Her arms were aching and she could not breathe. Just when her eyes began to blur, she felt a strong tug and then, she felt herself lying on something cool and soft. 

"Girl! Breathe through your mouth! Don't worry! You are safe now! Don't struggle! Just rest your body on the float. We're near the edge of the pool!" shouted a man. The lifeguard on duty had reached Lisa just in time. When he saw her slip off her float, he had immediately grabbed his float and jumped in after her. 

When Lisa got out of the water, Mrs Jones and Leo quickly rushed to Lisa's side and apologised for not keeping their eyes on her. Luckily, besides swallowing a few gulps of water and feeling exhausted, Lisa was unhurt. The family thanked the lifeguard again for saving Lisa's life. They could not imagine how the day would have ended if he had not been observant.

It was an unforgettable day!

Suggestion (2): Flashback

(As this a more advanced approach, the content will be continued at 'http://icanwritetoo-sg.blogspot.sg/2013/08/kicking-up-notch-part-3-resources-for.html')


With the above example, I conclude 'Selected Reading Material 4: Drowning / Rescued from Drowning'. I hope this segment will prove useful to some of you! 

If you'd like a more advanced approach to writing a composition on this topic, you can visit click here (or the link above).

Video Resources (4): Drowning / Rescued from Drowning 2

In 'Video Resources (3): Drowning / Rescued from Drowning 1', we've seen the actual footage of the rescue of a girl who had fallen off her float in a swimming pool. 

The following video is a clip from a television programme. 

The programme featured a footage of a boy who was rescued by a lifeguard when he appeared to be drowning in the sea. The interview in the video clip provides great advice on the signs of drowning and also introduces us to a range of useful words and content for our writing.

'Drowning Signs Aren't Like the Movies', 27 Jul 2011, WIBTV, YouTube

After viewing both videos, did you notice some similarities?

1) The people around the struggling swimmers did not know that they were drowning. They were oblivious to what was going on.

2) Both of the children's heads were bobbing up and down the water. They were trying desperately to gasp for air.

3) Although both the boy and the girl were splashing about the water frantically, to the other swimmers, they looked like they were 'playing' or fooling around.

4) Both the boy and the girl could not scream or wave their hands for help.

This post supplements
- 'Video Resources (3): Drowning / Rescued from Drowning 1'
- 'Selected Reading Material 4:Drowning / Rescued from Drowning'

Video Resources (3): Drowning / Rescued from Drowning 1

My pupils often had problems developing their stories about drowning or near-drowning accidents. The lack of information and (thank goodness!) personal experience makes it difficult for pupils to elaborate and develop the content of their compositions realistically.

After scouring the internet for suitable videos (no bikini-clad images...) and resources, the following video shows an actual lifeguard rescue of a little girl, who had fallen from her huge ring float, after the wave pool function was activated. 

The girl (right-hand side of video) falls from her ring at 0:29.

'Wavepool Lifeguard Rescue', 29 Apr 2013, by Lifeguard Rescue, YouTube

On a Personal Note:
Before we go into the dynamics of writing a composition related to drowning or near-drowning, I would like to emphasise the importance of observing water safety procedures and rules. 

Singapore being a tropical island, we often succumb to the inviting waters at our beaches and pools for a temporary respite from the suffocating heat. I love to swim too. But do bear in mind that if we are not strong swimmers, we stay near the edge or at the shallow ends. If we are good swimmers, we stay alert (and away from any form of sedation or alcoholic drinks) when entering the water. If we have children with us, they are our priority and everything else can and must wait.

Too many tragedies have occurred because of negligence and such tragedies can (most often) be avoided.

I also feel the need to applaud the hard work of vigilant lifeguards who keep watch tirelessly under the scorching sun. Thank you!


Now, back to work.

1) Can you think of of words related to the events occurring in the video? 

You might want to brainstorm according to the nouns, then verbs, then adjectives / adverbs you think might be applicable.

For example:

Nouns - swimming pool, children, ring floats...
Verbs - screaming, playing, splashing...
Adjectives - large blue, clear, inviting, cool, scorching, slippery
Adverbs - happily, mischievously, frantically..


2) If you are given a picture composition and the picture is a still of this video at 0:29 (the moment the girl falls into the water), what are some of the sentences or phrases or ideas you can think of after watching the events unfold in the video?

For this activity, try to organize your thoughts and brainstorm for relevant ideas chronologically. Remember that you can always imagine how the story may unfold. The above video clip can provide you loads of ideas for the main part your writing. You'll still need to firm up ideas for the beginning and concluding part of the composition.



This post supplements 
- 'Video Resources (4): Drowning / Rescued from Drowning 2'
- 'Selected Reading Material 4:Drowning / Rescued from Drowning'

Taking a Break from 'Work'...

Firstly,

I'd like to apologize, especially to so many supporters who have been visiting my blog despite it not being updated. Thank you to many of you whom have emailed me or posted your comments. Your kind words are truly motivating.  If you have left your email address in your comments, I may not be able to post them in the blog in order to protect your privacy! : )

Secondly,

I am taking a break from any blogging for a while as I am not in the pink of health. I hope I can get through this problem soon and that it is nothing serious. 

I'll resume as soon as I can.

Lastly,

Apologies to everyone who have been waiting for updates. Although physically I may not able to work on the blog, I'll be using this time to think through the various ways I can improve the content of my blog.

Chin up everyone! 

I'll Be Back!

Walking Pneumonia

Hi,

Sorry about not being able to update my blog. 

Recovering from 'Walking Pneumonia'... the infamous Mycoplasma virus...
Really weak now.

Will be back when better!  : )

Updated 30 Apr: Incident on the MRT (by WS, P5, Draft)

     

(Image provided by WS), for reference only

      John started to drift off lulled by the soft chatter in the train he was on. He was on his way home after a grueling soccer camp to prepare for the upcoming championship. John dipped into his dream scape,  jerking awake when the intercom crackled to life and the announcer's voice stating the next station was heard. John looked at his surroundings wearily, the fatigue evident on his features.

It was then that a man in sunglasses caught John's attention. He was wearing a black leather jacket, heavily laden with zippers on the front and a navy baseball cap. The man's odd dressing caused him to stand out among the crowd. John watched with wide eyes, lethargy forgotten as the man shoved the haversack he was holding under the seat and made a dash for the exit. 

“Wait! Your bag!” John cried out despite knowing that the man had left the bag behind intentionally. 

The situation niggled at John's mind. Something was wrong, he thought. When he finally realised what it was, John paled. A frisson of fear skipped up his spine, as he thought of the possibility of the man being a terrorist. Images of bombs going off in the train swam in John's mind and he felt that unfamiliar cold fist of fear tightened around his heart. 

When the chatter of the other commuters increased when they saw the bag speculating its source, John snapped out of his daze. Remembering the safety lessons taught in school, John made his way to the emergency button, his heart still pounding like a jackhammer.

“There's a bag....” It was all John could managed before the other panicky commuters having reached the same conclusion as he did drowned out his next words. 
    The train pulled to a stop at the next station and the passengers ushered out to safety. The police had been called and were ready to handle the situation. The next few minutes seemed like an eternity to John as he described the man to the police while waiting for the verdict. When it was announced that it was a false alarm, relief washed over John in blessed cooling waves.

John went scarlet when praised by the police for his quick thinking and bravery. Although it was only a false alarm this time, it serves as a reminder to all to remain vigilant as we would not know when a real terrorist might strike. 

Thank you for the composition, WS!
Great command of the English language, interesting and vivid description and an extensive vocabulary! However, I think you can work more on your content. Let me look through this more carefully before I give my full comments and suggestions! 

Still, good job!

Here is my more detailed analysis:



       John started to drift off, lulled by the soft chatter (√) in the train he was on. He was on his way home after a grueling soccer camp to prepare for the upcoming championship. John dipped into his dream scape (√),  jerking awake when the intercom crackled to life (√) and the announcer's voice, stating the next station, was heard. John looked at his surroundings wearily, the fatigue evident on his  features. (√)

It was then that a man in sunglasses caught John's attention. He was wearing a black leather jacket, heavily laden (√) with zippers on the front and a navy baseball cap. The man's odd dressing caused him to stand out among the crowd. John watched with wide eyes, lethargy forgotten (√) as the man shoved the haversack he was holding under the seat and made a dash for the exit. 

“Wait! Your bag!” John cried out despite knowing that the man had left the bag behind intentionally. 

The situation niggled (√) at John's mind. Something was wrong, he thought. When he finally realised what it was, John paled. A frisson of fear skipped up his spine (√), as he thought of the possibility of the man being a terrorist. Images of bombs going off in the train swam in John's mind (√) and he felt that unfamiliar cold fist of fear tightened around his heart. (√)

When The chatter (√) of the other commuters increased crescendoed   when as they saw the bag speculating its source speculated about the source the bag. John snapped out of his daze(√). Remembering the safety lessons taught in school, John made his way to the emergency button, his heart still pounding like a jackhammer. (√)

“There's a bag...” It was all John could managed, before the other panicky commuters, having reached the same conclusion as he did, drowned out his next words.  (√)

  The train pulled to a stop at the next station and the passengers were ushered out to safety. The police had been called and were ready to handle the situation. The next few minutes seemed like an eternity to John as he described the man to the police while waiting for the verdict. (See Notes 1) When it was announced that it was a false alarm, relief washed over John in blessed cooling waves. (√) (See Notes 2)

John went scarlet when praised by the police for his quick thinking and bravery. Although it was only a false alarm this time, it serves served as a reminder to all to remain vigilant, as we would not never know when a real terrorist might strike. 

Remarks

Wow! This composition is laden with vivid description. I can literally feel myself being drawn into the scenes in the story! 

Well done! 

However, once engrossed in our own writing, it is common to fall into the trap of writing 'running sentences' i.e sentences which are too long and crammed with ideas and descriptive terms. If you feel the need to include such complex sentences, do remember to punctuate them appropriately. Having said that, I will still advise you to avoid them, if possible.

As mentioned in my initial post, although you have demonstrated an extensive vocabulary, I think there is still room for improvement for in content development. 

Remember that a composition is graded both by Language and Content. Your language marks will be top notch (18 or 19) but your content may fall in the range of 14 - 16 / 20. The grade will depend on the consensus of the teachers grading your work.

Notes 1
Somehow I don't quite seem to be able to accept the use of 'verdict' here. I just can't picture the police delivering a verdict.

I will prefer 'outcome of the investigation'. What say you?


Notes 2

You have decided that the story will conclude as a false alarm. That's fine. However, it is not a 'convincing' one as you did not fully develop the following points brought up in your writing:

1) Why did the man leave the bag on the train?
2) If it was a false alarm, what was actually in the bag? Stolen goods left by a remorseful robber? Rubbish? Paraphernalia forsaken by a heart-broken fan(!)? Ransom money for a kidnapper?
3) Did the authorities managed to contact the person who left the bag behind?
4) If yes, how did they deal with the contents and the person? If no, what happened to the bag and its contents?

As you can see,  a lot of juice has still been left in the pulp! 

The unintentional cliffhanger makes the reader wonder "Why", "Then...?"

I strongly feel that if you devote one more paragraph to address the ambiguity, your composition is close to perfection!

I feel inadequate to write a suggested composition for this near-perfect piece of writing. Maybe WS can write a draft 2? 

I can't wait to read it if you are willing to try again!

Basic Vocabulary for Writing - Injuries

Please see Basic Vocabulary for Writing - Introduction for details about the objective of this series / section in my blog.

Simple Vocabulary 
These are some common descriptions used by beginning writers. 
The list is not exhaustive.

1) Alan fell down. He was hurt. He was bleeding a lot.

2) The doctor checked on Mrs Lim. She had broken her bone and needed an operation.

3) At the hospital, the doctor checked Minah. She had a blood clot in her head. She needed an operation.


Basic Vocabulary
These are some common descriptions expected of middle primary and weaker upper primary writers.

If your child is at P3 - P4 and cannot describe injuries as given, you may want to get him to attempt using these sentences for his practices at home. 

(Ugly truth...MEMORIZE...) because this is very BASIC.

For P5 and above this is not an option. You MUST KNOW this!

1) Alan lost his balance and fell. He had cuts on his knee. Blood was flowing profusely (how was it flowing) from the wound.

2) The doctor examined Mrs Lim. She had broken an arm ( a leg) and needed an operation.

3) At the emergency room, the doctor examined Minah. She had a blood clot in her brain. It was a serious injury. She needed an operation immediately.


Enhancing the Basic
These are some improvements a student can make to improve on the basics. i.e. add in details, adjectives, reasons. (No extensive and new vocabulary)

If your child has grasps the basics i.e. is able to write injuries as above, introduce him to adding details and such to improve on the basics. This can (not will, as scoring still depends on how the whole composition is written and the grammar used) push his / her content and language up a point / band when graded.

1) Alan lost his balance and fell hard onto the ground (where). He had grazed his knee. Blood was oozing profusely from the deeper wounds (from which wounds).

2) The doctor examined Mrs Lim thoroughly. She had fractured her arm (leg) and needed an operation to realign the bones (why operation?).

3) At the emergency room, the doctor examined Minah. He detected a blood clot in her brain. As the blood clot could cause a stroke (why so serious?), the doctor immediately performed an operation to remove it (what the doctor did and why).

To be continued...

Basic Vocabulary for Writing - Introduction

'Basic Vocabulary for Writing' is a resource targeted at helping pupils at the lower-middle primary levels or the weaker upper primary pupils.

A pupil who has just started independent writing or does not have a strong foundation in writing often find difficulties expressing their his / her ideas.

Most of the time, the pupil will use very simple description to try to overcome the problem. This is fine especially when he is a beginning writer (e.g. P1 or P2). 

However, as the child proceeds to higher levels, his simple description will appear pale in comparison to work written by the average and above-average writers.

Materials found in this section attempts to:

-Introduce common words, phrases or description suitable for use in specific writing topics (some of these material may overlap one another)

-Highlight and correct misconception often seen in pupils' work when writing certain topics

-Help improve on the common vocabulary provided in this section, so that pupils can enhance the descriptions in their composition after they grasp the basic.

I want to emphasize that this is an attempt.

In a classroom setting, I am able to see my pupils' responses and adjust the lessons accordingly. However, this is not possible on a blog.

As I gradually build up this section on my resources, do feedback to me if your child can understand or is able to use the resources as planned.

Let's all work through this together!

Opps...! I just noticed a grammar mistake and inappropriate choice of words. Erhm..."Nobody is perfect - That's why pencils have erasers!" - Anonymous

Selected Reading Material 3: A Train (MRT / Subway) Breakdown (2)

Some possible answers to the cloze passage exercise in 'Selected Reading Material 3: A Train (MRT / Subway) Breakdown (1)' are as follows:

1) rush / peak
2) plunged 
3) silence
4) speaking / talking / singing (cajole, comfort)
5) failure / outage
6) stifling / choking / suffocating (burning, scorching, unbearable) 
7) shone (used, light, lit, directed, projected)
8) smashed / shattered
9) ventilation (circulation, relief, comfort, hope)
10) groggy / dizzy / light-headed (tipsy)
11) pried / forced (pulled, pushed)
12) through (along)

If you would like to ask me alternative answers, please email me instead of posting as a comment as the discussion can get really long...My email address can be found at Important Terms and Conditions / Disclaimer / How to Submit.

Part Two

Now, let's apply what we've learnt to a possible question. It is difficult to post pictures here as there are some copyright issues I do not wish to tread on. So at the moment, lets just use an example from continuous writing.

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Mr Suresh was on his way to work on an MRT train. Suddenly, the train stopped and he found himself in total darkness.

Based on the above situation, write a composition of at least 150 words using the following points:

-How Mr Suresh felt

-What happened after that

-What happened in the end

You may reorder the points and / or include your own.

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Here is a possible composition using content from the selected reading materials:

    Mr Suresh stared at the scar on his right arm. He would never forget what happened that fateful day when he was trapped in an MRT train while on his way to work...

    Mr Suresh waved goodbye to his family and headed to the MRT station near his home to catch the train to work. As it was the morning rush hour, the carriages were packed to the brim. Mr Suresh was lucky to find a seat next to the fire extinguisher and quickly settled down and began reading the newspaper. 

    He was halfway through the papers when the train suddenly plunged into total darkness and grounded to a halt. For a moment, there was an eerie silence as no one dared to move or speak. Then, Mr Suresh heard a child's voice, "Mommy, I am scared!" The trapped commuters started talking to one another, trying to find an explanation to what was going on.

    The air conditioning had also stopped working and the stifling heat was beginning to feel unbearable. Beads of perspiration began trickling down Mr Suresh's temples. "I think I've got to do something before we all die of suffocation!" he thought to himself. "Can someone help me please? I need some light here!" he called out to the other commuters. The commuters used their mobile phones as torchlights and helped lit up part of the carriage. Mr Suresh found the fire extinguisher and with all his strength smashed it onto a carriage window. The window immediately shattered and a whiff of fresh air finally entered the carriage. Unfortunately, while breaking the window, one of the glass shrapnels pierced into his right arm. Mr Suresh cried out in pain as blood began oozing from the wound. A commuter tied a handkerchief around the wound but it was quickly soaked in blood. He needed medical attention as soon as possible. Just when Mr Suresh was about to faint, someone forced opened the train door. Help had finally arrived!

    The civil defence officers evacuated Mr Suresh and sent him to the nearest hospital while the other trapped commuter were led through the underground tunnels to the nearest train station.

    Mr Suresh was grateful that he was rescued at the nick of time. Although he still had nightmares about the incident, he still took the train to work. However, ever since, he always carried a torchlight with him, just in case.

Have you noticed that instead of using a lot of highly-impressive vocabulary, the composition has been written in English expected of an average (to above-average) upper primary student? (with the exception of some the underlined words, which may be words or phrases you can now pick up to add flavour to your writing)

Reading story books can help improve your vocabulary. However, do put in constant effort to look up the meaning of new words and try them out in your writing. Only with hard work can you eventually succeed in doing well in your writing.

With the above example, I conclude 'Selected Reading Material 3: A Train (MRT / Subway) Breakdown (2)' . 

I hope this segment will prove useful to some of you!

Updates to 'Selected Reading Material 1: A Robbery(1)'

Answers to one of the activities in 'Selected Reading Material 1: A Robbery(1)' has been added. If you had been interested to know the answer but were too shy to email me, I've add it towards the end of the post.

Hope you got the answers right! : )

Video Resources (2): A Train (MRT / Subway) Breakdown

As I was preparing 'Selected Reading Material 3: A Train (MRT / Subway) Breakdown', I realized that most of us will have absolutely no idea what it was like to be trapped in the MRT carriages. So after browsing through many videos, I finally found one that has been properly edited and does not contain inappropriate language or is from a questionable source.

The only catch is that it is in Chinese but has good subtitles (Use 'Full-Screen' to see subtitles clearly). Do pause appropriately to catch the subtitles if necessary. However, do be take note that the video is meant as a visual stimulant to help writers visualize the content they can use for their composition. 

(Source, Frontline 《SMRT Worst Breakdown》with Subtitle 前线 《地铁大瘫痪》Pt1/2 - 23Dec2011, 154media, Youtube)

What to look out for:
1) Winding queues for the shuttle buses. taxis outside the train stations
2) Footage of situation in the train carriages
3) Footage of commuters walking in the underground tunnels to the nearest stations
4) Feelings of the commuters interviewed
5) What the authorities planned to do to prevent similar incidents from occurring again

This post supplements 'Selected Reading Material 3: A Train (MRT / Subway) Breakdown'.

Selected Reading Material 3: A Train (MRT / Subway) Breakdown (1)

What is 'Selected Reading Material'?

Mentioned in my earlier post 'Tips for Struggling Writers', students who have problems expanding content are often told to "read more widely".

'Selected Reading Material' are carefully selected resources to help struggling readers widen their knowledge in areas often useful in composition writing. i.e. what happens during a robbery, accidents, kidnap etc.

After reading and using the resources, students will have more relevant ideas to use in their composition assignments & examination!

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Read the following passage and take note of the underlined content.

DO NOT skip reading.It is important for you to see how the underlined content is used in the news article.


A Train (MRT/Subway) Breakdown

Unfamiliar scenes of chaos and confusion unfolded on Thursday night in train stations across central Singapore after the MRT network suffered what is likely to be the worst breakdown in its 24-year operating history.

Just before 7 p.m., thousands of commuters riding home during the evening rush hour were plunged into total darkness as trains on the North-South Line suddenly lost power and ground to a halt.

Many people claimed that they waited up to an hour in the stifling heat of windowless carriages, where the air-conditioning had also failed, before eventually being rescued by SMRT staff. Some train windows were smashed to let in air.

Commuters then had to walk through the train tunnels to the nearest station in order to exit and find their way home.

In all, 11 stations from Marina Bay to Bishan were affected - the result of what SMRT called 'a power rail problem'.

As the extent of the problem became clear, SMRT shuttered the affected stations completely and commuters were advised to find alternative routes to their destinations.

The Singapore Civil Defence Force also dispatched ambulances and other emergency services to some stations.

"It was pretty much a traumatizing experience," said Oh Shu Fen, 23, who works in a bank. She was stuck in a train that stalled between the Dhoby Ghaut and City Hall stations.

"There were no lights and ventilation, and it got so dark that at one point of time, the only sources of light were from mobile phones."

A woman was reported to have fainted in the train as she had difficulties breathing. Civil Defense officers tried for ten minutes to revive her, but they were unsuccessful. She was immediately placed on a stretcher and evacuated after that.

Someone even smashed the train windows with a fire extinguisher to encourage some air circulation (ventilation). 

At about 9 p.m., some of the stations were reopened and a section of the train services was resumed. 

Meanwhile, SMRT raced to provide extra buses, which struggled to deal with stranded crowds who formed winding queues for buses and taxis.

As the buses were all packed to the brim, many commuters had to wait for hours before managing to get on a bus. Those who managed to get on a bus or taxi found their trips slowed by traffic congestion.

Frustrated commuters formed long queues at train stations to wait for fare refunds while others flooded online websites and forums and demanded explanations and apologies from the authorities for their traumatic experience.

"We sincerely apologize for the inconvenience caused," said SMRT, in a statement issued at about 9 p.m. on Thursday night.

"Preliminary investigation shows that around 40m of the power rail had been damaged between the City Hall and Dhoby Ghaut stations.

"SMRT staff are now on-site attending to the fault. We will work round the clock to repair the damage, and hope to get the northbound train service for this stretch up by tomorrow morning."

Modified from 'Singapore's MRT Breakdown Chaos Leaves Thousands Stranded',  Ignatius Low, Straits Times Indonesia, 16 December 2011.

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Part One

After reading the above news article, try the following comprehension cloze. The exercise will help you use some of the words / phrases / content knowledge learnt from the above material.

    After a tiring evening at tuition class, I was relieved to be on the train back home. As it was the evening 1.__________________ hour, Father and I were lucky to get a seat in one of the crowded carriages. As he began to read, I started nodding off to sleep. 

    Suddenly, a loud noise jolted me from my dreams. The train had 2.___________ into total darkness and it slowly grounded to a halt. I rubbed my eyes and began to panic. For an instance, there was an eerie 3._________________ as no one dared to speak or move. Then, a child started to wail. As his mother began 4.__________________ to him softly, the other commuters started to stir too. 

    "James, are you alright?" Father asked while grabbing my hand in the pitch darkness. "Yes! What is going on?" I replied shakily. "I think there is a power 5._____________________," he suggested. The air-conditioning had stopped working too and the 6.____________________ heat was beginning to feel unbearable. I struggled to breathe as beads of perspiration began rolling down my temples. Suddenly there was a loud 'thud', followed by a scream! Some commuters used their mobile phones as torch lights and 7._________________ them at the direction of the commotion - A woman had collapsed on the carriage floor and a little girl was crying beside her. A beefy-looking man quickly grabbed a fire extinguisher and 8.___________________ a few carriage windows while another commuter called the civil defence. I was thankful that the broken windows provided some 9.____________________as I, too, was beginning to feel breathless and 10.____________________ . We sat in the darkness helplessly for another fifteen minutes or so before help arrived. 

    The civil defence officers 11.__________________ open the doors and lit the carriages with bright lamps. After evacuating the woman who had fainted, the officers led us 12._____________________  the train tunnels to the nearest train station. I was so relieved to see bright lights and welcomed the cool, fresh air in the station. Father managed to contact his friend, who met us at a nearby car park before driving us home.

** Possible answers can be found in 'Selected Reading Material 3: A Train (MRT / Subway) Breakdown (2)!

Before we attempt to apply what we have learnt, I would like to suggest looking at the post: Video Resources (2) A Train (MRT / Subway) Breakdown. The video is an apt resource for supplementing this reading material.

As this post is getting too lengthy, I will continue on Selected Reading Material 3: A Train (MRT / Subway) Breakdown (2) Coming Soon! : )